I felt like being nice today and presenting a positive poem about Arizona. Unfortunately, that is a genre that has yet to come into existence, so I opted for "funny" over "positive." (I did find several poems about "Phoenix," but all of those had to do with birds rising out of ashes!)
The following piece, "Ah, Arizona," does a fine job of of describing the sun-baked desolation that is Hellizona - right down to the horned toads, rattlesnakes, and scorpions. Enjoy.
Sort of a summer home
A place to spend his vacation
Whenever he wanted to roam.
A place both wretched and rough
Where the climate was to his liking
And the cowboys hardened and tough.
And ordered no rain to fall
He dried up the lakes in the valleys
Then baked and scorched it all.
He transplanted shrubs from hell.
The cactus, thistle and prickly pear
The climate suited them well.
But animal life, he had none.
So he created crawling creatures
That all mankind would shun.
With it's forked poisonous tongue.
Taught it to strike and rattle
And how to swallow it's young.
And the ugly old horned toad.
He placed spiders of every description
Under rocks by the side of the road.
Hotter and hotter still.
Until even the cactus wilted
And the old horned lizard took ill.
As any creator would
He chuckled a little up his sleeve
And admitted that it was good.
By a prickly pear to rest.
The sweat rolled off his swarthy brow
So he took off his coat and vest.
"I did my job too well,
I'm going back to where I came from,
Arizona is hotter than Hell. "